Facebook in a Time of Divorce

I found out I was getting divorced through Facebook. Well, kinda. This is what I learned about online etiquette for really big life events.

Monday started like any other: snag coffee, check work email, putz around online. I signed into Facebook and stopped breathing. There, in the center of my news feed, broadcast to absolutely everyone: “He has changed his status. He is no longer married.” My heart thudded, my stomach dropped, my eyebrows shot up. I mean, yes, we’d had the conversation but this felt like a kick in the gut; it was so public, so final, so soon.

I swallowed a small hysterical snort of realization that I was now married to someone not married to me. Is that even possible? I clearly needed to fix it, pronto. Frantically I sought out our barely 21 year-old colleague and explained in a rush of words, “Hi I need your help I’m getting divorced and he just unmarried me now I need to change my status but not broadcast it and I don’t really want any status posted at all but do you know how and can you show me?” A nervous laugh, the briefest of apologies and in 15 seconds we were done. I feebly thanked him and promised to buy the next round of coffees.

Like the wave of an unwelcome fairy wand, I went from married to unmarried with a deft stroke. I mean, we knew each other for over 10 years, were married for 5-plus years, our families lived 45 minutes apart for crying out loud! Isn’t there some decorum, some etiquette, a precedent on how to publicly dissolve your joint lives? Apparently not. Somehow surprise un-marrying your spouse with a global announcement hardly seems the ticket.

Advice in five online spaces:

1. Emails to Socialize – as a Couple. Our former friends and housemates sent us an email announcing their engagement and asking us to come out for a drink to celebrate. I stared at the email and in a very toddler tantrum way, internally declared that I would NOT be the one to reply because I didn’t create this situation, why should I have to craft some benign excuse? He put his degree in English literature to use and wrote a brief, poised email explaining that we were no longer together, but wished them the very best. I laughed at the kindness in his words which for so long had been absent from our conversations. But really, it was fine. I just wish we’d made a game plan, but then again, I didn’t know that I needed one….

Read the other tips on The Huffington Post Divorce Blog

One thought on “Facebook in a Time of Divorce

  1. Hi I’m in the military,my name is Dennis Rainey.
    I met my wife seven years ago and wasn’t planning on staying with her. She came up to me to pick me up for her cousin and ended up keeping me for herself. After about two months she came to me and said she was pregnant so naturally I wasn’t going to let her go with no help so I purposed to her. Everything was going good until two days before the wedding when she told me that she had three kids and they were all living with her dad whom I’d never met! Well being the guy I am I still married her and took the kids in as my own. After about a year and a half I left on a mission for a month and things got weird with her while I was gone. Come to find out she was cheating on me with another soldier. If this wasn’t bad enough she had him living at the house while I was gone and got pregnant with his child. Me being the nice guy I forgave her for it. (BIG MISTAKE) About six months after that I left for a one year rotation in Korea. Come to find out when I left she moved him back in to my house with her and carried on her affair with him while I was gone. I didn’t learn of this until I was deployed to Iraq and she moved him in again while I was gone and I caught her with him in the house. When I came home for R and R for eighteen days I found out all her dirty little secrets of the two of them getting busy through pictures I found on the computer and the home movie that I found on the kids karaoke/video machine. As well as getting the 30k worth of bills that she went out and racked up in my name with her power of attorney. When I was going through the pics on the home PC the two youngest kids saw the pics of the guy and came screaming over yelling look its daddy! I tried to forgive her for the crap she has done to me and her kids and made it work for two more years but I just can’t go on with it. So needless to say 5 kids by 5 different fathers mine being the second to the last and a wife that can’t keep her legs closed to anyone but me equals a much justified and needed DIVORCE! so i took a lawyer but didn’t work out.
    i went to the internet and i saw a testimony of a spell caster that helps in divorce i contact him and a week after she told me she don’t want me anymore that she need divorce, am happy know with my new wife and she is so lovely.
    you can contact him via email:(superlovespellcaster @ live . com)
    Thanks for reading my trials of life.

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